An Attitude of Gratitude

I met my client this winter in a hot yoga class.  An unusual place to meet a pregnant mama.  Most of them steer clear of hot yoga.   She practiced next to her husband – taking it slow and steady – stepping out of the room a few times.  I trusted that she knew what she needed.

After class, I stopped to chat with our yoga teacher.  She had seen my name on the upcoming PCYC schedule and asked me what kind of yoga I’d be teaching at the Collective.

“Perinatal yoga” I responded.

“What’s that?” Jill asked.

“Yoga for prenatal and postpartum mamas.” I said.

In earshot, my client’s husband asked, “You teach prenatal yoga?”  He nudged his wife, “Did you hear that?   She teaches prenatal yoga!”  He sounded like a kid just told he could watch Saturday morning cartoons.

He grinned and pointed at his wife. “She’s pregnant.”

I smiled.  “I know.  I practiced next to her.” I could tell he was excited and sweet.

I turned her and asked, “How are you feeling?”  She said she was feeling really good.

The husband blurted out, “We’re planning a home birth.”

“Cool” I responded.  “I’m a doula.”

“You are?”  The mama looked at me.  “We are actually looking for a doula. Can I get your number?”

“Of course.”  I gave her my number.

I had never supported a home birth.  I am not against it – I just hadn’t had the opportunity.

We connected over the next few weeks, and they hired me.  They lived in Park CIty part time. The rest of the year they lived in Nashville.  They’re both musicians.  She’s a country singer and he’s the lead singer of a punk rock band.

At our first meeting, I learned that my client’s mom was a midwife who had given birth to ten children - six at home in the tub.  My client knew a lot about birth and very excited to birth her baby at home.  She chose a local Utah midwife and felt very secure with her birth team. I was honored to be on it.

She was due somewhere between May 22nd and the 29th.   Memorial Day weekend came and went without any signs of labor.  My son graduated from high school the following Friday and I hosted my out-of-town parents and in-laws.  Our plans included the graduation ceremony and dinner on Friday evening and a Saturday morning party.  Since I am a solo doula, I always find back up “just in case.”  In this instance, my back-up was ready to cover me if needed between Friday and Saturday afternoons.

On Thursday, I hosted our extended family for dinner at my house. I told my mom that this imminent birth was hanging over my weekend a bit.  “I just don’t know which ten hours I will be gone from this weekend. We shall see.”  I giggled.  The mysterious timing of birth keeps being a doula exciting.  I don’t worry too much about the timing because there is nothing I can do and it always seems to work out.

And in this case, I was not wrong.   It worked out.

We celebrated my son’s gradation without a call from my client.  I attended a few graduation parties Saturday afternoon.  Walking out of the last party around 5pm on Saturday, I saw a text from my client’s husband.  Labor had started, but they didn’t need me yet and would keep me posted.

Despite being exhausted, I was also excited and relieved.  I didn’t miss any of the graduation celebrations.  While I waited for their call, I enjoyed another family dinner outside in our backyard Saturday evening. Right as everything was wrapping up, I received the text that my client was ready for me.

I drove over to their home just ten minutes away. I walked in to a clean, calm home.  I found my client in her bedroom on her hands and knees draped over a birth ball. Happy to see me, she admitted she didn’t know how to relax.  I started to rub her shoulders and took a deep breath.   She released tension and followed my breath.

Serenity surrounded us.   Everything felt very intentional.  There was a mandala of candles, stones, and feathers on their bathroom vanity.  White lights lit the bathroom and James Taylor played through the stereo.  It was the most intimate birth atmosphere I’d experienced.  The full moon added a witchy element.  I thought for sure their baby would be born before dawn.

Her contractions were building - closer together, longer, and stronger. They were intense.  Her husband texted the midwife who appreciated the update and said to let her know if her water broke or she felt like she needed to push.  They planned to be in touch in a couple hours.

It was wild for me to be alone with them in labor.  Usually there is a medical staff around.  I leaned into trust. At one point, the contraction app told us that it was time to go to the hospital.  We laughed.

My client was amazingly strong through every contraction.  We breathed and I physically supported her with counter-pressure and hip squeezes.  James Taylor continued to serenade us with his sweet voice and the hours passed.

After midnight, I realized how exhausted my body felt.  Having no choice, I dug deep and continued my support.  I suggested my client take a bath.  I poured warm water on her belly through each contraction.  When she was done with the tub, she stepped out, wrapped herself in a towel and walked into her kitchen.

She commented that her contractions felt different.  She told me she was bone-tired and I suggested resting.  He husband and I followed her to their king size bed.  The three of us laid down.  I closed my eyes in between each mild contraction.

She mentioned that she has having a hard time feeling the baby move,  This comment made me nervous. We stood up and her husband gave her some orange juice to drink.  He called out the midwife who encouraged my client to rest even more if she was not feeling her contractions.  As for the baby, after the juice, she moved around again.  We were happy and relieved.

A little past 2 a.m., my client said she wanted to go to bed. Would I like to lay down in the guest room?  Yes!  I crawled under the sheets thinking that I’d just close my eyes for a few minutes until they needed me again. I fell asleep immediately.  At 6 a.m., I opened my eyes and tiptoed upstairs.  Silence.  They were asleep.

I wrote them a note and drove home. I didn’t hear from them right away so I went to my parent’s house for brunch and took a short nap.

A few hours later, I texted my clients.  The husband shared that the midwife was headed up to check on mama and baby.  He also told me that “she talked about how supported she felt all morning.” I loved the feedback.

Throughout the night and next day, I expected a call.  Nothing. That evening I checked in and heard the midwife had been there all day and night checking on the baby and mama.  My client had been back in labor but like on Saturday night, her contractions slowed after a few hours and eventually stopped.

Tuesday, she went to the hospital.  Since the midwives did not have privileges to deliver at the hospital, they’d stepped in as her doula.  My client thanked me for my care and told me she’d reach out to me after the baby was born.

I waited to hear the news.  Nothing on Tuesday or Wednesday. I prayed all was well.  I texted them on Wednesday evening around 5pm to see how things were going. I heard right away that the baby was born via c-section just a few hours before.   It sounded like my client lost a lot of blood due to a postpartum hemorrhage.   Her husband texted me ‘we are ok.”

WOW.  A sixty-hour labor is a record in my book.

I visited them the next day at the hospital.  My client was out of bed when I walked in.  We went for a slow walk in the hall.  Her spirits were high.  A beautiful light glowed despite her epically long labor.  She did not complain.  Instead, she was filled with gratitude for the care of the midwives, her surgeon and nurses.  She knew that there was nothing that could have been done. This baby was not going to be born at home or vaginally.  The way she was positioned in her body made it impossible for my client to dilate and progress with her labor.

My client’s acceptance and surrender helped her move forward without regret and despair.  I was happy to witness her levelheadedness.

We walked back into her hospital room ready to breastfeed.  Her baby had successfully latched only once.  I helped her position the baby and supported her arms, back and baby with pillows.  We waited for the baby to open her mouth and brought her to her breast. The baby latched right away.  Tears filled my client’s eyes.  She couldn’t believe it.  She experienced the magic and wonder of breastfeeding.

I loved my client even more in that moment.

We never know what to expect during labor.  Being prepared and knowing your preferences is important.  And even more vital is to remain flexible, trust the process and stay open to the experience no matter where it takes you.

Those pillars of childbirth preparation are how we create positive birth satisfaction.  My client wrote in an instagram post after her birth,  “I am in awe of both ancient and modern birthing methods and filled with gratitude for the gift of experiencing both in one birth…..I am grateful to have a healthy beautiful baby and even more grateful for my female body and the power and strength she holds.  Childbirth in an incredible rite of passage for a woman.  I’m proud to have made the journey and honored to be holding the ultimate reward.”

The small-world story is that my friend from college, is a fan of her music and saw her instagram post.   He recognized the photo of me supporting her and texted me, “there was someone who looks an awful lot like Sara Hutch helping out with the delivery.  Small world.”

Yes, this is an Omazing and small world.