Winning at Working Parenthood
A few months prior to the COVID-19 shutdown, Perry, my friend and co-founder of Hive Family Collective called me excited by an idea. She had just heard Daisy Dowling, founder and CEO of Workparent, interviewed on a podcast. Perry said that Daisy’s message had really resonated with her. Daisy encouraged working parents to build support systems and strategies to balance employment with parenting. As she said to me on the phone, “A workshop by Daisy Dowling would be amazing for Hive families. They need this information. I need it.”
Our other co-founder Joanna and I whole-heartedly agreed. We engaged with Daisy and started planning an event. A few months later, COVID hit. Isolated at home, we knew that we’d have to postpone our event. In retrospect, the timing worked out well - we all needed Daisy’s message even more after the pandemic. Working and parenting at home shined a light on the difficulty of a working and parenting.
We stayed in touch with Daisy. This past summer we dusted off our plan and committed to the workshops. Last week, we flew Daisy Dowling from New York City to Utah. The two workshops Hive Family Collective hosted were wildly successful. More than fifty people walked away from the events with boosted motivation and new tools to help navigate parenting more effectively while working.
The concept of “work/life balance” never really resonated with me. True “balance” always seemed unachievable, especially when my kids were young. Even when working in an office, I could rarely sustain focus solely on the work. I constantly had to manage the kids, their activities, and household needs while at work. I sensed the scale tipped to parenting and I constantly tried to keep up with my work. It was exhausting.
When my kids were young, I worked at Backcountry.com. The office was less than two miles from my house which seemed ideal. My schedule was somewhat flexible. However, when my boss needed me, it didn’t matter what I was doing. I had to drop everything and answer the phone. I remember taking his phone call in my bedroom, behind a locked door. My daughter pounded on the door. “LET ME IN” she screamed at the top of the lungs. Horrified, I moved as far away from the door as possible trying to maintain professionalism. I ended up crouched in my shower.
After taking a work call from my shower stall, I knew I had to make a change. Keeping two personas afloat was too stressful. I either needed more daycare, fewer hours, or both. It took some time, but eventually I left Backcountry.com and started a new role at a nonprofit which had a more “family-friendly” culture.
Instead of “balance,” I prefer the word “blend” to describe my experience as a working parent. Even the word “blend” is tricky. Being at a playground with the kids while “working,” I’d tell myself that I should be happy that I could “work anywhere.” However, likely I’d spend too much time looking at my email on my phone rather and playing with my kid or complying with their demands that I watch them go down the slide.
Since then, the pressures and demands on working parents have only increased. In Park City, there are fewer daycare options with the increase of young families in town. It’s stressful. Daisy Dowling validated the experience and shared several tips with our Hive community:
Get away from the “shoulds” - and start doing what works for you;
Build your network of support by taking things off your calendar and to-do-lists;
Set up boundaries so that you can be present and “on” in the way that you want to in both work and parenting;
Define your personal and parenting “brands” to feel more successful, in control and help you move between roles effectively and quickly;
Make time you do get to spend with your children more connective and satisfying by focusing on action (vs talking) and “R&R” (routine and rituals); and
Avoid working-parent guilt by getting out of “daily-score keeping” - and tame overwhelm with an Already Done List.
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to finding balance or blend for working parents. However, building community to share the joys and struggles is paramount. It feels difficult to survive some days, however giving ourselves grace and space helps. So does laughing!
I am delighted that we had the chance to share Daisy’s wisdom with our Hive Family Collective. And it was amazing to be with our new mamas & parters in person! It’s been almost three years since we’d hosted an in-person speaker and it’s clear that Hive is building community.