Equanimity: What is it and Why does it matter?

In August, I hosted two mindful mama retreats at my parents’ beautiful home in Park City.     The title of the event was: “Start the School Year off Soulfully.”  Summer ending and school beginning shocks my system every year.  There’s real grief when summer ends.

I love summer.  I love sunshine, flip-flops, and the break in school routines.  I prefer making picnics to school lunches. I’m fortunate because my kids go to summer camp, which gives me an annual break from parenting.   Summer was so good to me.  And while I don’t like setting alarms to wake up, I was ready for my kids to go back to school.  It’s time to return to work.

The retreat started with a cup of coffee and light chit-chat.  We then moved outside and I taught an easy yoga flow class with my “silent disco” headphone kit.  A few years ago, I bought several sets of headphones and a microphone transmitter that I can use to teach outdoor yoga.  My yoginis hear music and my voice in their headphones.  This experience allows them to focus on their yoga practice.

During the second retreat last week, a male moose walked into the back yard right where we were practicing.   The yoginis were all in child’s pose with their heads down.   My friend Carrie spotted him and gingerly walked up to me and pointed to him. I brought everyone out of child’s pose and said, “we have a special guest with us”.  There were gasps and giggles.   We took our headphones off to see what he’d do. Male moose are gentler than the mamas. 

As expected, he was very peaceful. We watched him for a moment and then he moved on.  We felt blessed by his spirit.

After yoga, we took a short walk and returned to the house for a dharma talk and an intention-setting exercise.  The topic I selected was equanimity.  My first introduction to that word in a forty-day yoga challenge a few years ago.  A theme for one of the weeks was equanimity.  My yoga teacher used tree posture to describe equanimity.  She referred to equanimity as balance or the middle way.  When we are in tree pose, we stand on one foot.  When we fall out, we’re invited back in, non-judgmentally.  The concepts of constantly seeking, losing, and regaining equanimity stayed with me.

I’ve learned equanimity requires a capacity to be with what is - without clinging or resisting.  It’s the practice of not moving towards something and not moving away from it.  It’s just being balanced in the middle.

Equanimity is not a common word or value in our culture.  Americans love drama.  We are addicted to the highs and the lows of life.  Rarely do we prioritize (or even notice) balance.  But I really try.   For instance, this summer when my flight was delayed, I intentionally handled the situation with patience and grace.  But I didn’t reflect and say, “I really handled that situation equanimously.”  It’s not something I name.

It’s a quality that requires practice.  Equanimity allows me to be more flexible and stretch, rather than restrict.  Instead of being “bent out of shape,” a state that means that something in my life is rigid and brittle, I am fluid.

Why does it matter?  It’s important quality when raising kids in a life and world that is always changing, My best days are those that I am in the flow.    

There’s a reciprocal relationship between equanimity and mindfulness.  Through my mindfulness practice, I see more clearly.  I try not to constantly judge, fix it or change my situation.  Instead, I practice to be with whatever is.  Through my mindfulness practice, I build equanimity.  And, the more equanimity I have, the more mindful I am.

In our retreat, we took that idea of equanimity and balance and created intentions for the fall. I encouraged my mamas to ask themselves: How do you want to feel in this next season? Intentions are like seeds.  At the retreat we each planted our seeds of intention.  In order for a flower to grow, it needs water and time.  The same is true with intentions.  The seed is planted and our daily practice is the water.  Over time, we hope that our intentions will bloom and come into fruition.

It’s can be difficult to find space and time to plant our seeds of intention.  But it is so important.  When you have a moment, ask yourself:  What is out of balance in my life?  Where I you find more equanimity?  What I you need to shift in order to make that change?

I wish you good luck in planting and watering your own seeds of intention.