I AM
Each new year seems inherently loaded with expectations.
Questions swirl around in my head: what do I want to leave behind in 2021? What do I want to manifest? Create? Cultivate? Although these are valid questions, it requires space and clarity to ask and answer them. Finding the time to create this space and clarity can be difficult in the midst of my packed daily life.
In order to make it happen, I must schedule it. I knew I wanted to experience the holidays this year mindfully. So I scheduled my first-ever retreat. The first Friday in December, I hosted a few women at my parents’ beautiful home in Park City. I knew I was at my growth edge because I was nervous! All the feelings show up in my tummy. I took that excitement and channeled it into my teaching.
We started the morning with yoga and meditation. Then we moved into an exercise where we created intentions for our holidays. We sat in a circle and I invited everyone to pause and consider how they wanted to feel during the holidays. We created a map of intentions that was based on an exercise I learned from my good friends Stacey and Senti. Stacey and Senti founded LifeCourse, a series of experiential classes designed for awakening to “what is true” and “what is possible.”
We drew a heart in the center of the page and wrote “I AM.” From the heart center, we drew lines out like spokes and wrote present-tense statements of intention of what we hoped to do during the holidays. A few of my intentions were:
I am watching my kids open presents
I am skiing fresh snow at Alta
I am sleeping well
I am writing my holiday cards with joy
The idea is to create intentions for each desire. Only with space and clarity can we name what we want. Another intention on my map was about an upcoming birth. My client was expecting her first baby on December 19th. My son’t birthday is the 20th, mine is the 21st and then Christmas is a few days later. We always say it’s a big week in our family! The timing of the birth had potential to be very inconvenient. My daughter asked me what I would do if the baby came on my birthday. I responded that I’d be with my client. “What about Christmas?” she asked. I said I hoped she didn’t go into labor on Christmas, but if she did, I’d have to be there with the mama. That is the job of a doula. We are on call.
At my retreat, I wrote “I am supporting my client on a non-holibirthday”. Of all my statements on my map, that was the one that I hoped would come true. Things often work out so I was hopeful, and in this case, it did.
On Thursday, December 16th, she called me before 8am. She was in labor. We spent the morning on the phone until her scheduled 11am doctor’s appointment. When she went to see her doctor, she was admitted to labor and delivery.
I drove down to Salt Lake City and spent the afternoon with her coaching her through each contraction. I showed her husband ways to support her. Her contractions did not let up. They were coming one after the other. She shook. She moaned. She breathed. Her labor was intense. She had very little rest in between contractions.
Around 4pm, the nurse checked her cervix and she was 4 centimeters dilated. She decided she needed a break. She had been up since 4am in labor. She requested an epidural.
After the epidural is placed, usually, the laboring mama experiences full relief. Unfortunately, with my client, the pain medicine did not work very well. She could feel the contractions despite the epidural. The anesthesiologist worked diligently over the next few hours to help her find comfort. And finally at about 11pm she was able to rest.
Her husband also napped. I sat on the hospital chair and wrote a stack of holidays cards (with joy!) At 2am, the nurse woke her up and checked her cervix, She was complete. Her cervix was 10 centimeters dilated and 100% effaced. She was ready to push. Her doctor came in and joined the birthday party!
My client pushed for just over an hour and at 3:33am, her baby daughter was born. Another miracle! Tears streamed down mama’s face. Her baby girl was here. I was so happy for their new little family. There is such joy in the room when a baby is born.
I drove home in the wee hours of the morning in a snowstorm. It was Friday, December 17th. Nearly 17 years ago, I my son was born that same hospital. I reflected if that felt like a long time ago? YES, I decided. It felt like a lifetime ago. I thought of my client. Her family was just starting a new chapter. I know she has so much to look forward to. We all do!
Moving towards 2022, I intend to cultivate the clarity that comes from making the space and taking the time to name what I want. I commit to remain flexible, knowing everything is fluid and uncertain.
I am hopeful that naming my intentions will help me identify and achieve my personal and professional goals.