Finding Comfort in the Discomfort

My son Brewster turned sixteen a month ago. We found him a car, but his use of the car was conditioned on his payment on a monthly payment on a loan that we co-signed.  My husband and I wanted to give him an opportunity to build credit while being invested in his car.  My son readily agreed and was all smiles until he realized that he needed income.  His birthday and Christmas money would last only so long.

“I need to make money. What should I do Mom?” he asked.  

“Get a job.”  I said.  (It’s tough growing up!)

Brewster was hired as a food runner at one of the last local après-ski establishments at the base of Park City Mountain Resort.  It’s a perfect first gig.  He delivers baskets of wings, fries, and nachos to tables inside and out.  He fills bottles of ketchup and buckets of ice.  He earns an hourly wage and tips.  He’ll make enough to pay his monthly car payment and still have money left over to satisfy his basketball shoe habit.

His first day of work was just before his birthday so I drove him.  He said very few words in the car.  As we approached the resort, he admitted to me that he was nervous - really nervous.  He said it wasn’t quite as bad as how he felt before the first day of school in France, but it a close second.  “Oh God, I hate this” Brewster said as he opened up the car door.

There was nothing I could say that would make walking into the front door on his first day of work any easier.  He had to do this alone.  He’d go inside and find out for himself.  Whether he had an easy first day, or a brutal one, it would be over in six or seven hours. I refrained from responding with my favorite “This to shall pass” I just nodded and blew him a kiss.  “Good luck!”

As he walked in the front door, I too had to take a deep breath.  He was a ball of nerves, but so was I.   I breathed and inspected my emotions.  All the feelings: uncertain but hopeful; excited but nervous; proud but protective.

Uncertainty is what I teach!  Childbirth is filled with it.  There is no crystal ball as to how long labor will be and how the sensations will feel in the body. Fear and anxiety build in pregnancy.    What tips do I give my students to face their fear?  I tell them to stay present and feel into the body.  By being in their body, it’s harder to be tangled in the web of their thoughts. The breath helps with that.  By focusing on breath, you can’t simultaneously create a story in the mind.   Bu this takes practice. 

Once Brewster started working, the day passed quickly.   He reported he had a great first day. When I picked him up he said that walking in was super awkward, but he survived.  With the benefit of hindsight, it really wasn’t that bad.

As a parent, my first instinct is always to protect my children from experiencing anything hard.  But when I reflect on it, I know better than to rob them of these difficult experiences.  Vulnerability is required for growth. 

The more we practice, the more natural we become in being comfortable in the discomfort.