Time of Zwischen
One of my best friends Erika, who’s half-Columbian, told me once about a Spanish word that names the last morsel of dessert/appetizer/food that no one ever eats: the single piece left alone on a plate. When offered, we say, “No. Thank you. I am all set.” Even if we want that last bite, we are too polite. The phrase is el de lavergüenza. It translates to “the piece of shame”.
I love a word that says it all.
I read an article by midwife Jana Studelskacalled The Last Days of Pregnancy. She writes about a place of “in between” which Germans call “zwischen.” At the end of her patients’ pregnancy, Ms. Studelksa’s tells the tense and uncomfortable almost-due mamas that they are in the “Time of Zwischen.” She describes this as a place “where the opening begins.” She believes that by “giving it a name, it gives it dimension, an experience closer to wonder than endurance.”
Anyone who has experienced the last days of pregnancy can attest that these hours, days, even, sometimes, weeks can be brutal. Especially when our baby does not arrive on our due date (which, I teach as“due time” because only 5% of babies are born on their due date.) There is so much expectation around a date. Couples attach to that day and then inevitably are disappointed when they have to hurry up and wait. Practicing patience at the end of forty weeks is the worst.
However, as Ms. Studelska writes, this time is not just biological, it is physiological. Mothers are preparing for the birth of a baby, but they are also preparing for their own birth: the birth of a mother. Both her body and her soul need to ripen and open. A relaxed, confident mother is inevitably going to be more comfortable than a tense and frustrated one. Those tightening emotions work against softening and opening. By naming this space - the Time of Zwischen - we honor and reflect upon the world-as-we-know-it, before it changes forever.
I am working with a client who is expecting any day. She’s mildly contracting and beginning to dilate. Her best friend from Oregon came to town to spend the last few days with her before the baby arrives. They came to the OMazing studio for a yoga class. Watching them on their mats, practicing next to each other was a beautiful sight. Their love was palpable. They smiled retelling the story of how her friend said to my client the night before, “You know what you need to do tonight? Dress up and go out with your husband on a date. Just the two of you. I’ll stay home and you two enjoy each other.” Agreeing, my client showered, slipped a dress over her enormous belly and went out with her husband. They had a great date: likely the last one before their baby will be born.
Never knowing when a women starts labor, we all want to know how to know when it is the real thing. I teach in my childbirth classes, that a woman is in “real” labor when her contractions have an established pattern. Couple are encouraged to labor at home as long as possible. The University of Utah hospital recommends that couples arrive after a contraction pattern of 3-1-1 (contractions have been 3 minutes apart, 1 minute long, for 1 hour.) When couples arrive too early to the hospital, the labor can change. The bright lights, interruptions, and distractions of the hospital might actually stall or delay labor. This delay, in turn, can lead to a higher chance of interventions or a longer labor. And if she is not dilated enough, the couple could get sent home - disappointing and tough.
I teach expecting parents how to plan out their early labor. I want them to do what feels good: rest, bathe, walk, bake, or watch a movie. I teach them techniques to cope with the early sensation in a calm and relaxed way. The longer the couple stays at home, the more likely their labor will progress despite their location. However, it is hard, so hard to wait. Our culture is not very patient, and waiting for the baby can be maddening.
I believe if we shine a light on these last days of pregnancy, the Time of Zwischen, women will know more about what to expect. Maybe the end will be less arduous and sweeter. Early labor is a spiritual transformation and not on a time table. Surrendering control is a practice and early labor is great place to start. As soon the baby arrives, we parents discover the truth about control. We have very little.