Au Revoir Aix

My throat tightened and tears filled my eyes.   The time had come to say goodbye.   This was our last basketball practice and Brewster’s team planned a “goûter” to bid Brewster farewell and celebrate his birthday. A few parents and their sweaty teenage boys gathered around the baked goods.

“Thank you” I said to Medi, Brewster’s coach, holding namaste hands next to my heart. “Thank you so much for welcoming us....for being so kind.  And for including Brewster on the part of this team.  Vous êtes trés gentile.”

Medi responded in fast French.   Brewster was always welcome in France and on his team.  It had been a pleasure to coach him.  In broken English, he said, “Good boy.  Brewster is a good boy.”  Tears slid down my cheeks.

It was time to go - our bus left in seven minutes.  The few parents, none of whose name I knew, kissed me on both cheeks. “Bonne Fête.  Bon Voyage.”  Despite never having a conversation with any of them, I felt close to this community. 

When we walked to the bus, it hit us that we were leaving France the next day.

Brewster’s fourteenth birthday was our last day in France.  We woke up and Sadie went to the boulangerie for the last time.  We walked out of the apartment at 7:20am and caught our number 8 bus, for the last time.  At school, we bid the birthday boy farewell and Sadie and I crossed the street and went to our café Paul.  Sitting at our usual table, I looked around at the boulangerie, soaking it the details and admiring the beautiful Bouche-de-Noëls in the case.

Both Sadie and Brewster’s classes celebrated their last day with a “goûter."  Sadie’s teacher, Madame Pougnaud invited me at 3pm to join the celebration.  Her classmates made her a banner filled with messages like “Je t’adore” and “I’ll miss you.”  When it was time to say goodbye, Sadie had  friends lining up for hugs and goodbyes.  It was like leaving Red Pine camp all over again. Brewster’s departure was more mellow.  I asked him how he said good-bye to Lucas, his buddy.  Brewster said “Ciao” and walked out the school gate.

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At 5:30pm, our bags were packed and Brewster was home. For his birthday, the three of us walked into town to shop and eat dinner at Koi.  We’d celebrated both Sadie and Matt’s birthdays this fall at that restaurant so being back was a treat   Aix-en-Provence was lit up with Christmas lights.  We agreed there wasn't a nicer way to say good-bye to our beloved town.

On that final walk home, we talked about our first trip into Aix-en-Provence in August.  We were so lost that afternoon.  Everything was so strange and confusing.  Here we were, four months later walking home in the dark.  A foreign place became our home.

So many stressful moments filled our early days in Aix. It was hard to figure our out routine: school, busses, basketball.  Over time, we made the extraordinary ordinary.  I am incredibly impressed with the kids’s resilience.  Somedays, even I was overwhelmed with what I was asking of them.  What was I thinking to live alone with them in a foreign city, attend school in another language, and ask them to smile since I don’t like complaining.  We laughed a lot, especially when it was hard.  The travel and adventure balanced out the difficulty.  Now that the semester over,  both Sadie and Brewster are proud of themselves.  And they are not the only ones who are proud. 

I adored the school secretary Emily and her mother the headmistress.  When I dropped off our school books and uniforms they pointed out that some kids move from Paris to Marseille and struggle more than Brewster and Sadie.  They both tried to be very easy going.  Some of the teachers didn’t even know that Brewster’s first language wasn’t french which I found impressive!    Park City French served them well.  It gave them a foundation but it was time and exposure that made them feel more comfortable at school.  Brewster pointed out, there were so many phrases that aren’t taught in a class room.  For instance, it took him a few weeks to figure out that “mec” was “dude”.  After awhile, both Sadie and Brewster caught on and finished the semester with a strong handle on the language.

It was strange to for the kids to say goodbye to friends that they likely would never see again. Their friends were so diverse.   Brewster’s buddies were from Poland and Italy.  Sadie’s friends were Indian.   So many of their students at school were children of mixed parents.  One parent might be French and the other Thai/Italian/Dutch - so different than Utah.  With the exception of our good friends the Laaksos (Thomas is Finish) everyone we know is the child of American parents and grandparents.  That cultural homogeneity is not common in Europe.

And what did France mean to me?  These past four months felt like a spiritual sabbatical.  My days were quiet and free when the kids were at school. My days did not speed by.  They were long probably because I was never “busy”.   What a luxury!  I took the time to practice being mindful, present, and joyful. I walked around in a state of wonder and curiosity.  And since I didn’t have a job or a social life I focused most of my time and energy on the kids.  They felt and appreciated my attention.   It was a pleasure.

Our French life was simple but adventurous.  Living in an apartment without a car of course had it’s challenges.  But it was also very easy. I didn’t have any dogs to walk or a house to tidy.  We had no clutter.   The kids didn’t have playdates or after school activities so I didn’t  coordinate anything beyond basketball.  Our routine was simple and consistent.    Without friends to talk to, we all talked to each other.  We traveled.  We played cards.  We slept a lot.

I woke up every morning at 5am (9pm Utah time) to call Matty.  I won’t miss that, but I was happy to do it to maintain a close connection.  He missed us and we missed him!   After our call, I turned on the coffee, mediated for 20 minutes and journaled.  By that time, the kids were up and I felt calm and grounded.

My French improved.  Thursdays, I met a few girls at a coffee shop for conversation for “Blah Blah”.  We spoke French with our teacher, Karina for an hour. And then later that afternoon I had a private French lesson with Karina.  I loved her.  She constantly corrected my pronunciation and challenged me. I realized that some of the French pronunciation  I learned in 7th grade was incorrect. I had to reprogram my brain which is not easy and very humbling.

Those friends from Blah Blah became my Aix Aimes.  We saw each other almost every week.  We shared adventure stories and bonded over living in France.  Aside from them I made one other friend from Colorado who became a soul-sister.  We only hung out a few times, but we always had fun.  My small social circle satiated me.

I will miss  my yoga studio, Noëlle Yoga.   My primary teacher, Alexandra lived in California for ten years making her a strong vinyasa yogi who had great taste in music.  All the French yoga classes were at least 75 minutes or an hour and a half.  The slower pace was a stark contrast to American yoga.  Every class began with a meditation and ended with a long savasana.  We held poses for twice as long as we typically do in the US.  This did not make the class any easier.  My mind strengthened through my French yoga practice.   We’d be in a pose for what seemed like forever and because I didn’t understand the French cues I had no idea when we'd end.  I’d occasionally become frustrated. I had to relax to soften my body and by that point, the pose was over. “This too shall pass” came up in my mind often. I walked out of every class challenged.  Those French yogis are strong!

Because of the time change between the US and France,  I didn’t have texts or email that needed my immediate response.  I checked email usually once a day for an hour.  The rest of the time, I was present in my life in Aix.  I walked, listened to a  ton of podcasts, practiced yoga, learned French, wrote this blog and planned adventures.  It was truly a gift.

Four months was perfect amount time to live Europe.  Had Matt been with us, perhaps I’d want to stay longer.  But the kids were ready to return to Park City.  They can’t wait to go to school with their friends and speak English. 

At one point, Sadie said she felt guilty because she was so happy to be going home.  I said, “No, way Sadie.  Don’t feel guilty. I am happy too!”  The time came.  We did everything that we wanted to do and it was time to go.

I know that every time something ends, another things begins.  They are both two sides sides of the same coin.  This chapter is over but I am excited for the next one.

Intentions are powerful.  France was my dream for years and with tenacity, patience and trust, my dream was realized.  

And now we are in Ecuador for the holidays.  We are so happy to be with Matt!  He asked me if I was going to continue my blog and I asked him what he thought.  He suggested that I continue.  So, today I write Au Revoir Aix, but Bonjour Aix will continue. Life is an adventure, no matter where we are.  Why not share?

Happy Holidays.XOXOSara